Visions of Straightjackets

My mind is able to unleash and unwind while driving, and that is often when I have the best ideas. This morning, I had a vision of something I would kill to capture in some type of media.

A little background first: I had a massage Sunday with Jennifer Bonadio up in Makawao. I had broken my pelvis in May of 2008, and I keep wanting to get active again, but I experience all kinds of tensions and pains every time I exercise that keep me from pursuing it more regularly. Well, my fitness is declining, so I decided it was high time to take care of my body. She found some spots on me that needed some serious emotional release, and she also told me some positive things, such as:

  1. I don’t have a lot of scar tissue like I thought. My tissues are responsive and healthy.
  2. I am in the midst of healing myself and rediscovering who I am.Now is a hard time, but my body is ready to heal.
  3. I am in a period of upheaval and change, but on the other side of that is ME.

The last one was the most crucial. I have felt for years that I wanted to break free of all the societal and organizational constraints I put on myself. Reputation is extremely important in the healthcare professions, and I have always been aware of how my actions outside of school could affect my future progress. Well, I am tired of feeling torn, like I can’t follow my dreams and pursue pharmacy as well.

This morning, I pictured myself in a straightjacket, with the seams busting and rays of light of all different colors pushing their way through. On the other side of that jacket was ME. I was shining so brightly, people couldn’t deny my presence. I pictured butterflies and the like with these rays of light and color, which is when straightjackets no longer seemed to fit the right constraint. I then pictured some type of rope binding me and holding in the essence of what and who I am and what part of me makes me the most happy when fostered.  It is hard to describe in words, but the image was truly beautiful, and it reflected so perfectly how I feel about pharmacy and how I fit into it.

It is my goal to break free from those constraints, to stop stifling what is most beautiful and unique about me.


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