Warp Speed Ahead!

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To emphasize the reality of the post below….I wrote it on the 8th and just discovered my draft, 10 days later. Sigh…. I think I know now why I got sick!

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Life has been more than a little crazy lately. It’s that dang boomerang effect again. You set things in motion, wait in limbo while things are brewing, and then WHAM! It all hits you at once. Money, job, career, physical, psychological, emotional, family, more family, and it’s all on a tight schedule. Thankfully, I am not alone. Tom Lescher, a Leo astrologer I met recently, does his weekly Pele Report on YouTube. I highly recommend it. His forecast for March sounds spot on with what I am dealing with:

The month of March will be a lot easier for you if you just pretend that you have boarded the high-speed bullet train that gets you to your destination at hundreds of miles per hour (whether you are late or not!). This is a month where our nervous systems are undergoing a great cosmic cleanse. It is an opportunity to rid ourselves of all the shaky, old, outworn mental patterns that are no longer serving us. Beyond that, we will have an opportunity to purge immature emotional patterns lingering from lifetimes gone by that are preventing us from fully realizing our potential.

I love his humor, and it seems I will need it this month. All kinds of past stuff is bubbling up, and I have to find a way to let it go and redefine how I live in the world. It’s kind of like being told you have wings, being thrown off a cliff, and trusting that you will know how to fly. Like the Phoenix, I want to die and rise from the ashes anew, pure like I came into this world.

Check out this video: 

‘Women are the primary resource of the planet.’

The video below is from the woman who created the Vagina Monologues and V Day. I think there are many lessons in her video presented to ponder. She talks about security, and how by creating “security”, we are making ourselves more insecure. We harden. Strength comes from softening, allowing ourselves to be wrong, allowing ourselves to feel emotion, allowing ourselves to lean on others, allowing others to lean on us in their vulnerability and honoring their state. Appreciate how strong someone must be to ask for help, to allow themselves to fully FEEL in the company of others, or even at all.

Lastly, I love her statement at the end, and I invite you to ponder this:

‘Women are the primary resource of the planet.’ – Eve Ensler

Fools Rush In

I believe that people come into our lives for a reason. I have said to many friends that if I hadn’t learned the lesson in one relationship, I wouldn’t have been ready for the next one that came along. Maybe that happens alot. Maybe, you encounter people daily that, if you both are in the right time to learn your lessons, you connect. Otherwise, you don’t connect on that level.

In October, I decided to stop settling for less than what I want in my heart. I have my checklist of values in a person (the rest is material). Lo and behold, within weeks of putting in my order to the universe, my order comes in. Two months later, he has decided to move on. Okay, universe, I am listening. I put in my order, I thought I got it, and then …..it returned itself? How does that happen? I am learning lesson after lesson right now, and it’s painful. And because I still hurt, I know there is something very deeply buried to work through. Evidently, my order did not come in. I must have gotten my order in the wrong size or color. Maybe my order came in, but it was a winter outfit, and it’s summer here…. all the time. Things go wrong with rush orders. I was in a hot tub the other night with a lady who said, ‘fools rush in’. I decided that would be my new mantra.

So, I stand here, naked to the possibility of what I know deep down to be true, that I am capable of great love and there is someone willing, able and ready to accept it, nurture it, and love back. I am learning big lessons lately, so I must be on the cusp of meeting someone really wonderful, and so the cycle of life and learning continues.

Staying Open

Intimate relationships bring out the best and the worst in people. It is where you have been most vulnerable, hurt the worst, and where we tend to find ourselves reacting to emotions brought up in past relationships. It is scary being vulnerable, for there is where you can get hurt. There, you lie naked to the one you open to. You offer yourself in love with the risk that they won’t accept you.

I find myself feeling very vulnerable at some point in relationships as I open myself up. At that point, I have had some people turn away. It is really hard not to take it personally, not to wonder what is wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with anyone. The people I chose to open to are hurt from prior relationships with women who manipulated them. They aren’t ready to feel vulnerable. I have been reading many excerpts by Ram Dass, and the last paragraph of this excerpt really hit home for me.

Every time you trade in a partner, you realize that there’s no good or bad about it.  I’m not talking good or bad about this.

But you begin to see how you keep coming to the same place in relationships, and then you tend to stop.  Because it gets too heavy.  Because your identity gets threatened too much.  For the relationship to move to the next level of truth requires an opening and a vulnerability that you’re not quite ready to make.  And so you entrench, you retrench, you pull back and then you start to judge and push away and then you move to the next one.  And then you have the rush of the openness and then the same thing starts to happen.  And so you keep saying “Where am I going to find the one when this doesn’t happen?”  And it will only happen when it doesn’t happen in you.  When you start to take and watch the stuff and get quiet enough inside yourself, so you can take that process as it’s happening and start to work with it.  And keep coming back to living truth in yourself or the other person even though it’s scary and hard.’

Water Flows

You say to “stay connected”, but what do you really mean?

I was drawn to you, like water to roots. I wanted to move slowly through you, take in each inch of you carefully before creating flowers with you.

Like a thirsty tree, you drank of me. I surged through you, to the top of your foliage, and the view was breathtaking. I felt safe, despite the height, and I nourished you with my essence. We played and danced up there, under the stars. We made flowers together, you and I. My essence combined with your strength to create beauty. Some flowers were soft and white and round, like a gardenia. Some were fun and bright like a daisy. Others were fiery red and deep, like a poppy, bursting open to reveal a silken heart.

Like a thirsty tree, you drank of me.

Water flows where it is needed and wanted.

I enjoyed sharing the view with you, greeting the morning sun, drinking in the early sky, dancing under the stars and moon floating by our treetop perch. You were getting stronger, drawing in my essence as my heart poured open. Such flowers I had never made before, each one unique and special, and I drank in the nectar of each, swam in the fragrance of their petals, wrapped myself in and around each stem, and kissed each morsel of pollen.
I opened up my well of endless love and nourishment, but your thirst was quenched. You set me quickly and gently on the ground, back where I started but forever changed. I sat quietly, the waters within me at once calm, then churning and spilling over the banks. The winds picked up, and storms came and passed. Some were smooth and nourishing, others were tumultuous and left chaos and unrest in their wake. The banks of my waters are rising to protect me while I rebuild.

You said to “stay connected”, but water flows where it is needed and wanted.

Stay In Your Heart

My yoga teacher, when I reached out to her in a moment of weakness, said to ‘Stay in your Heart’….. I feel this is part of what she was referring to…

“On this day of your life, Amy, we believe God wants you to know … that it’s your heart that knows who loves you, not your ears or eyes.

Listen to the words, and you can be fooled. Look at the actions, and you can be fooled. Feel deeply into your heart, and then you will know the truth.

Who makes your heart soar now?

Well, what are you waiting for?”

Still Waters Run Deep

Don’t let the Bunny reference fool you.

The smile, humor, and hop in the step are the surface of the lake. When the waters are disturbed at any level, the surface reflects, but does not mirror, the magnitude of the disturbance.

I am capable.

Of immense strength and resolve, but also intense vulnerability and surrender.

Of undying love and devotion, but also absolute indifference.

Of exalted joy, yet also debilitating despair.

Of raging fury, yet utmost compassion.

Finding that balance between the two extremes is a daily struggle, but also a perpetual joy, for it is my awareness and attention to finding that balance that teach me so much about myself, and about others.

I am capable.

Of navigating the deep waters, for my emotions are my reflection of all that lies deep in my soul.

What is the Spirit of Maui?

Deutsch: Sonnenuntergang bei Kihei (Maui/Hawaii)

Kihei, Maui, Hawaii

How would you describe or define the Maui Spirit?

We all know Maui is special and attracts many amazing people.

So, tell me please, how do you describe (in one sentence or one word) the island of Maui, no ka oi?

Oh, the comfort –

the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person –

having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words,

but pouring them all right out, just as they are,

chaff and grain together;

certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them,

keep what is worth keeping,

and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

Assumptions are the termites of relationships.

~Henry Winkler