Warp Speed Ahead!

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To emphasize the reality of the post below….I wrote it on the 8th and just discovered my draft, 10 days later. Sigh…. I think I know now why I got sick!

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Life has been more than a little crazy lately. It’s that dang boomerang effect again. You set things in motion, wait in limbo while things are brewing, and then WHAM! It all hits you at once. Money, job, career, physical, psychological, emotional, family, more family, and it’s all on a tight schedule. Thankfully, I am not alone. Tom Lescher, a Leo astrologer I met recently, does his weekly Pele Report on YouTube. I highly recommend it. His forecast for March sounds spot on with what I am dealing with:

The month of March will be a lot easier for you if you just pretend that you have boarded the high-speed bullet train that gets you to your destination at hundreds of miles per hour (whether you are late or not!). This is a month where our nervous systems are undergoing a great cosmic cleanse. It is an opportunity to rid ourselves of all the shaky, old, outworn mental patterns that are no longer serving us. Beyond that, we will have an opportunity to purge immature emotional patterns lingering from lifetimes gone by that are preventing us from fully realizing our potential.

I love his humor, and it seems I will need it this month. All kinds of past stuff is bubbling up, and I have to find a way to let it go and redefine how I live in the world. It’s kind of like being told you have wings, being thrown off a cliff, and trusting that you will know how to fly. Like the Phoenix, I want to die and rise from the ashes anew, pure like I came into this world.

Check out this video: 

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Limbo Land

So many things I could blog about, but it really comes down to me being in limbo. On one hand, I feel really positive about my life. I graduated pharmacy school, have my intern job for now, am not completely broke yet (but close), am spending much needed time with my pillow and with my friends, am trying new things like climbing and perhaps skydiving, and I am working on increasing my physical activity. On the other hand, I have this creeping fear/depression that keeps trying to eek its way in to my life.

I had the craziest dream this morning. I can’t remember all of it, but I do remember that Keely was doing silly stuff like putting basketballs in her shirt. Yes, basketballs….for boobs. It was absurd. But, it gets worse. I then find out she has probably 6 or 7 piercings along the middle of her tongue. Now, how did I miss that? And who did it?!  Turns out a friend of my sister did it, and I was seriously considering pressing charges for child abuse…dunno if that is possible, but I wanted this person to suffer. Keely was clueless to the repercussions, of course. That is the problem. There is more, but that was  a prominent part of my dream.

I don’t know if it is a fear of being out of control of what is happening, or a fear of …..being out of control. She is starting middle school in the fall, and she likes boys, wears bras, steals my makeup, etc. etc.. On my side, I can’t find a job, and I don’t know how long my intern job will last. How on earth did this happen? I had worked so hard networking for residency and setting things up, even travelling twice to certain facilities to make sure it was a good match and to make my presence known. None of it helped.

Add to that negative, self-defeating thoughts creeping in regarding relationships (tends to happen around 5-6 months I have noticed), and I have a bunch of negative forces trying to push their way in. I am trying to work out more, get plenty of sleep, gradually get myself on a good schedule, spend time with people I care about, not stress too much, and trust that things will turn out right. So far, the positive thoughts are winning. I hate when the negative creeps in though. I am trying to remind myself of my engagement to myself. When I treat myself like I would treat a partner, I am not only happier, but I am a better influence on the people around me.

Despite feeling like things will work out, I hope that divine intervention plays a role in my life….and soon. Otherwise, I might not make it under that limbo stick as it moves down, down, down.