333/333- Coming Full Circle

With the final post of my 333 project coming up, I clicked through each and every post and was surprised at the evolution of my posts, and of my life, my focus. While riding my bike that week, I thought of all that has happened over the past two years since I started the project, and I had the complete blog all in my head. It was fabulous (or so I thought at least), but once I stopped spinning, the thoughts stopped flowing, and it wasn’t long before they trickled away. I have bits and pieces in my mind, and I scribbled down some thoughts while with a friend, but I can’t find that paper. C’est la vie. Let’s see what happens.

Beginning

I should probably talk again about what the 333 project was based on. Many friends of mine were doing 365 projects, where you post a pic a day. I liked the idea, but missed the start of the year, so I decided I could do a 333 project based on that many days in the year left, as well as 3 being my favorite number. My posts had to do with the numbers 3, 6, or 9 either literally or figuratively. If you want a quick background, please read my post HERE about the significance of the numbers. I highly recommend this, or the rest won’t make sense.

Middle

Reflecting on the number 3, and how it has played in my life since February, 2010, I see many births, beginnings, creation. Some of them were wonderful, some of them very painful. Many of them came out of loss and death, which is embodied in the number 9.

My project itself was born out of the ending of a very special relationship, which led me to focus in more on myself and start fresh and redefine myself. (Let me just add that going back and reading my old blogs is a trip!)  Here is when I made the commitment to myself.

10-17-09 symbolized for me a new beginning in my relationships with Myself and everyone I interact with. It symbolized a letting go of destructive views and behaviors and an embracing of a life based first and foremost on love.

And during my project, an old love was being rekindled and fostered. In fact, it was our third time dating since we we were 15. Heck, we even fell in love in our 15th year (1 + 5=6). Don’t they say third time is a charm?

I experienced the death of two family members, the cancellation of a very exciting trip to Nice, and received notice that I had not matched for a pharmacy residency all within two months.  The death of my grandmother brought together 3 generations of women, which was a beautiful reconnection. We all shared our love (6) while we mourned the loss of our matron (9), and this allowed us to move on and start again (3). My daughter’s father came back in the picture after 11 years, which was, and is, bittersweet. I finished up ten years of college upon graduating with my Doctor of Pharmacy, and I moved with my daughter to Maui, an island way out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Talk about a big change! I was again ready to treat myself better. The relationship I had been in all this time ended, and I found myself feeling strong, but a bit lost. I started and ended a pharmacy residency, and now I am starting my own business. I also have reached a new phase in my life, which is only just beginning to unfold.

Now is when I wonder if I do a timeline or go through each category? Everything ties into itself, with 3, 6 and 9 working together in a cycle. So, I think I will just work on reflection, rather than recounting things. Let’s start with today…..

12/18/11

Reading “The Wisdom of Patanjali‘s Yoga Sutras” by Ravi Ravindra, I found myself with a deeper understanding than in prior times. Before I could comprehend the philosophy of it, but now I can say that I have embodied just the beginnings of some of the first chapters.

I feel that I have learned to let go of a lot and flow more with the cycle of death and birth, and I have accomplished this through love. When I made that commitment to myself in October of 2009 (see above), it was powerful. It started with loving myself. I had to learn to love myself first and forgive myself for any mistakes I had made. Flowing with love requires letting go of attachments. In the yoga sutras, vairagya is the concept of non-attachment and brings freedom from personal desire. “This includes desire for salvation or enlightenment, as well as the desire for great knowledge or wonderful experiences.” My journey in love and relationships has led me to deal with my attachments to certain things, and to realize the pain these attachments cause. One by one, I identify an attachment, dive into it to find the root, and pull the plug, letting the pool drain away. My motivation for this self-reflection has been freedom from the pain that I knew I was causing myself. Yet, it has taken me on a path much wider and more beautiful than I imagined, for I never viewed the path, never projected what I thought it would be like. I was going into the unknown, and I simply knew it would be better than what I had been experiencing. Life has shown me that I can’t know the future, and to project actually prevents me from experiencing the Real, which may be oh so much nicer than what I can imagine.

In the book, vairagya is “freedom from myself, the self which is constituted by all my past actions, fears, desires, ambitions. It is a dying to myself.” I feel that is what I am working toward. I was a dancer. I still am, but not in action. To call myself a dancer is to identify with certain ways of being. After 10 years of college and several years of triathlon, I have realized that movement is what moves me. It’s all a dance, an internal dance with one’s self. It is a constant meeting of doubts and insecurities, and ideally a spinning away of those feelings and thoughts, leading to a lightness, an elevation of spirit within. It brings tears to my eyes thinking of the beauty of the lifting of the soul in movement. There, right there, is an attachment to past feelings, and that’s okay, for now.

From the book on dying to myself:

“We are like

A bird in a cage.

It’s door wide open.

With no practice in flying,

sitting in the cage,

composing an ode

To freedom.”

How sad to have the ability to fly, but be so settled in what we DO know that we never try.

I have always felt there is something very powerful within me, a certain “greatness”. I never dared to say this to anyone, for it may come across as pompous. This quote from Krishnamurti, one of my favorites, explains what I have sensed all my life but denied until recently.

“To be absolutely nothing is to be beyond measure.” (Journal, p. 73)

To be empty is to be full. When you let go of what you “know”, you make room for the Real. When riding my bike that day that I planned this post, I had a feeling of being a channel of positive energy. What you put out in the world comes back to you, and what you put out in the world comes from others. When you channel positive energy, you are simply a receiver. Love moves through you. It is no longer just from you to others. It is boundless, for you accept love from others and give it freely. Like the torus, it is a constant flow, and the more you are empty and can let go of attachment to love and what you “know” love to be, the more love you have in your life. I had a day recently where the love was running so freely through me, that everything glowed. Everything was vibrant and beautiful, and my skin prickled with calm excitement. I was an open channel and would have kissed any of my dear friends and let them know how beautiful they are.

The End? No, for that is only the opening for another beginning……

“To be absolutely nothing is to be beyond measure.”

By letting go of the image I had built of myself in others’ eyes, and letting go of what I thought I once was, I am allowing myself to be me, truly me. I have been taking more yoga and putting my bike aside, for my body and mind are wanting more movement. I recently decided I want to dance again, to try any and all movement possibilities available to me. Right when I decided that, I was told of a dance class being offered just one night by some women from Phoenix. It was three classes rolled into one: classical jazz, hip-hop, and modern/contemporary. I was ecstatic to realize that my body was strong enough (thank you yoga!) to fully express and go into the movements with conviction. My training did not fail me. It’s all there. All those years of sweat, tears, dedication, and LOVE of movement are in my cells, in my heart. My energy level was so high afterward, I can’t describe the joy I felt to dance again, to truly move through the space within me and within the room. I had ideas of what I would like to do with my experience, which I will save for later.

Right now, I am letting go so that I can fly. I am learning to trust myself and let myself fly. No longer composing that ode to freedom. The door is wide open, and with the new year, I am taking that leap of faith into the beautiful unknown. Like my friend TJ Frank said, “In Faith, No Fear”.

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Re: my 333 Project

When I originally decided to do my 333 project, I wanted to make it more flexible, so that I could write about anything relating to my theme, as well as take pictures. Somehow, I fell into thinking that I needed to take pictures. I know a few people doing a 365 project, and their stuff is awesome. I have fallen behind on my project with all that is going on. It just wasn’t a huge priority, and I don’t usually have my camera with me. Oh, and it was MIA for a while after the butterfly incident. So, I experienced some wonderful things, no camera involved, that fit my theme, and I want to share those.

So, from here on out, my 333 project posts will be anything relating to the numbers 3, 6 or 9, or relating to the meaning of those numbers in numerology. In short, 3 is a birth or beginning, 6 is the number of love, and 9 is the number of death, or endings. Nice little triad there.

4 down

So, a little bit about the first week of my 333 project. I said I would take pictures of something relating to the numbers 3, 6 or 9, or related to the meaning of those numbers in numerology…..that leaves it fairly open, but still introduces some limitations. I found myself reaching a bit.

1/333- This one represented a lot. First, there were three huge aspects to my day. I interviewed, then I did clinical work in the hospital, then I got home and rode my trainer. Not only that, there were a lot of beginnings represented in that picture. That was my first residency interview ever (and really my first bona fide interview), it was the first week of a clinical rotation, which is my 3rd to last, and it was my first structured ride this year.

2/333 – while this one might be reaching, it’s really not. I LOVE the fact that I was a good student, because finding these summaries I made of nearly every cardiology and pulmonary subject possible (except for infectious disease) is making my life easier. It’s also the first time I found my notes useful!

3/333-  I was at Nick’s house for this one. Nick is a flight nurse, and his job often comes down to life or death. I also love that he is in healthcare. It’s a strong, shared passion, which means we can understand a lot of each other’s daily joys and frustrations.

4/333- Easy one. It’s 3 dogs having fun, although Buddy looks a bit like he is being chased down and not so excited about it, which is one reason I love the picture.

I have struggled with pics representing beginnings or love, and especially those representing endings and have reverted to “numbers” pictures on days that are long and I end up taking the pictures at night. Only 329 more to go, and I am looking forward to every one.

Let the 333 begin!

Starting a new rotation today, so maybe it’s good that I realized that 365-31 days=334 days left. That means my project starts tomorrow. Whew! BUT, I thought I would take this chance to go into some of the number 3 and its multiples.

First off, 3 is my “lucky number”. Sounds silly maybe, but I have always jived with the trinity, despite my atheist leaning.

More importantly, numerology can explain some of the significance of the number 3 in about every aspect there is, beside being someone’s lucky number.

Put simply, 3 is the number of birth, or beginning. 9 (3×3) is the number of death, or an ending. 6 is the number of love and comes sandwiched quite comfortably in-between. I write a bit about the numbers in one of my blogs 3 squared.  Here is a little taste though:

#333

When you Google 333, some of what you get is this: 

333 = 32·37, Mertens function returns 0, Harshad number. Shorthand for <333, meaning ‘MUCH LOVE’ (more 3’s = more hearts) Symbolically used to represent Choronzon, a demon used in the philosophy of Thelema

#3

I love Linda Goodman, who expands on her topics more than others. She relates the ancient ideas to modern life. If you want to see a little of the Chaldean numerology system, you can go HERE

The third dimension – we do things in threes so they will manifest in our physical realm.

It’s roots stem from the meaning of multiplicity. Creative power; growth. Three is a moving forward of energy, overcoming duality, expression, manifestation and synthesis. Three is the first number to which the meaning “all” was given. It is The Triad, being the number of the whole as it contains the beginning, a middle and an end.

The power of three is universal and is the tripartide nature of the world as heaven, earth, and waters. It is human as body, soul and spirit. Notice the distinction that soul and spirit are not the same. They are not. Three is birth, life, death. It is the beginning, middle and end. Three is a complete cycle unto itself. It is past, present, future.

The symbol of three is the triangle. Three interwoven circles or triangles can represent the indissoluble unity of the three persons of the trinity. Others symbols using three are: trident, fleur-de-lis, trefoil, trisula, thunderbolt, and trigrams.

The astral or emotional body stays connected to the physically body for three days after death. There is scientific evidence that the brain, even when all other systems are failing takes three days to register complete shutdown.

There are 3 phases to the moon. Lunar animals are often depcited as 3 legged.

Three is the heavenly number, representing soul, as four represents body. Together the two equal seven (3+4=7 ) and form the sacred hebdomad. The 3×4=12 representing the signs of the Zodiac and months of the year.

Pythagorean three means completion.

There are three wishes, genies have three wishes, three leprecons, three prince or princesses, three witches, three weird sisters among others.

The above symbol is called a Triquetra (tri-KET a Latin word meaning ‘three cornered’).  ‘The Triquetra’ represents the ‘Power of Three’ or the threefold nature of existence i.e. body, mind and spirit; life, death and rebirth; past, present and future; beginning, middle and end; Sun, Moon and Earth; and the threefold co-creative process described as thought, word, and deed.

#6

(from http://www.crystalinks.com/numerology2.html)

Six represents equilibrium; harmony – balance. It is the perfect number within the decad: 1+2+3=6. It is the most productive of all numbers.

It symbolizes union of polarity, the hermaphrodite being represented by the two interlaced triangles, the upward- pointing as male, fire and the heavens, and the downward-pointing as female, the waters and the earth.

Six is the symbol of luck; love; health; beauty; chance. It is a winning number at the throw of the dice in the West.

There are six rays of the solar wheel and there are six interlaced triangles. There are six pointed stars or Seal of Solomon – and Star of David – Merkabah

Cultural References

Chinese: Six represents Universe, with its four cardinal points and the Above and Below – making it a total of six directions. Chinese culture there are six senses: tastse, touch, smell, sight, hearing, the sixth being mind. The day and night each have six periods.

Christian: Six is perfection; completion because man was created on the sixth day. Six is man’s number The most obvious use of this number is in the notorious passage containing 666.

(Rev 13:18 NIV) This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is man’s number. His number is 666.

Hebrew: There are six days of creation. It symbolizes meditation and intelligence.

Kabbalism: Six is creation, and beauty.

Pythagorean: Luck

Sumerian: Six days of creation

#9

Now, some interesting things about the number 9:

9 is the number of electrical energy and all material life on this planet (you can get much more background regarding the “sacred number” 142857 and its connection to the numbers 7 and 9 in Linda Goodman’s Star Signs).  The following comes from that book.

When you add all the numbers in our system: 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 + 6 + 7 + 8 +9….you get the number 45, which when added= 9

‘Government cycle researchers and experts have observed that important changes, with sweeping worldwide implications, occur every 180 years on Earth. 1 + 8 + 0  equal 9.’

The 360 degrees of a circle add to 9.

It takes 9 months gestation to develop a child.

9 is 6 upside-down.

The number 6 symbolizes Venus – Love – Woman

The number 9 symbolizes Mars- Conflict- Man

Together, the 6 and 9 added= 15, which added equals 6, the number of love

9 is the number of death, or of an ending, but it also symbolizes rebirth, for something must die to be reborn. Sometimes, something in us must die for something else to flourish.

***Starting tomorrow, I will post pics/musings on things pertaining to the numbers 3, 6 and 9 and what they represent. Looking forward to it!!

3 squared

10-17-09

A special date for so many reasons….

It was what would be, and I believe is, the 9-month anniversary of my relationship with John, hence 3 squared. No need to share why the 3 is important, but it is. (the importance of 9 will come later in the blog, so read on) It had been a rough day emotionally. Relationships had been on my mind, in particular what I need/want from an intimate relationship. I was just plain shot; my emotions were flat, my body was exhausted, and I didn’t want to do anything. In the afternoon, I finally made myself get out of the house, and I decided it was time to get myself an engagement ring. I went downtown, hoping to find something interesting, but couldn’t find parking. Heading up Central, I looked across the street and there was this cute little shop displaying works of individual artists. They had everything from custom soap dishes to leather couches. I had a really good feeling about this place.

There were several nice rings, but I wanted something that entertwined to symbolize the coming together of Myself and I, and what I found worked out really well. It has a shape much like the moon goddess, entertwined with the next, and has tourmaline and peridot stones embedded in the band.

the ring- 10-17-09

With the ring, my engagement was now official, so I decided it was a good night to celebrate.  I texted several close friends where I would be and when, then Keely and I proceeded to get dressed. I went through several outfits trying to find something feminine yet classy. I felt like it was my first date! I was taking Myself out to celebrate our engagement and to show off my ring to my friends, including an ex-bf from high school, and what I had thought was my recent ex-boyfriend.

In attendance: Myself and I, Keely, Dave and Laurie, Mario and Laura, Nick, and eventually John. That would be 9 people, essentially.

I had wine and light food, chatted it up with friends, while John was babysitting Quinnie just down the road. Quinnie’s parents were a bit later than expected coming home, so John showed up later…. I figured he had just come from babysitting so probably would just shoot over in his jeans and t-shirt.

BUT, he came looking the handsomest I had ever seen him. He had on a dark blazer, white button-up shirt, nice jeans, and dress shoes, and a sparkle in his eye I hadn’t seen for some time. I don’t know what was going through his head when he walked in, but I feel he knew the significance of that night, both for Myself and I, and for him and me. It’s the little things ….

So, the number 9… for all of you who know a bit about numerology, this one will get ya.

It was our 9-month anniversary, there were essentially 9 people there, both dates add up to 9…

Beginning: 1-17-09

9-months: 10-17-09

When you add up my name or his name, you get 9, and of course when you add 2 nines, you get 9

SNC00400

Add to this the coincidence that we have the same birthday, just 7 years apart….

Now, some interesting things about the number 9:

9 is the number of electrical energy and all material life on this planet (you can get much more background regarding the “sacred number” 142857 and its connection to the numbers 7 and 9 in Linda Goodman’s Star Signs).  The following comes from that book.

When you add all the numbers in our system: 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 + 6 + 7 + 8 +9….you get the number 45, which when added= 9

‘Government cycle researchers and experts have observed that important changes, with sweeping worldwide implications, occur every 180 years on Earth. 1 + 8 + 0  equal 9.’

The 360 degrees of a circle add to 9.

It takes 9 months gestation to develop a child.

9 is 6 upside-down.

The number 6 symbolizes Venus – Love – Woman

The number 9 symbolizes Mars- Conflict- Man

Together, the 6 and 9 added= 15, which added equals 6, the number of love

9 is the number of death, or of an ending, but it also symbolizes rebirth, for something must die to be reborn. Sometimes, something in us must die for something else to flourish.

*** 10-17-09 symbolized for me a new beginning in my relationships with Myself and everyone I interact with. It symbolized a letting go of destructive views and behaviors and an embracing of a life based first and foremost on love.